Coping

Today marks the second day of no tears. I do my best to stay as strong as I can. Goodbyes had to be said to someone dear to me. Yes, it was a short time. While time is a factor, it's the moments that make the most impact. Two months might be too early for I love yous and be as crazy to say you'll go where they go. People have gotten married in less time and have lasted forever. I believe what hurts the most is that we had both agreed, and have always agreed, that following the logic of society was never something we wanted to do. Something we never liked doing at that. Society says, have sex in a month. Society says two months is not long enough for real love, where is the logic in that? Society can't decide if a kiss on the first date is right or if you're wimp if you don't. We went at our own pace, and until this moment had he ever thought of the world, what he hasn't seen, what he hasn't done. I can't decide, is he scared of everything going on, or his heart trying so hard to push out emotions that he has changed? I know he is not himself. It hurts me. We agreed to not speak for a month. To see if we can "deal" with the fact that we are 15 minutes away from each other, and if we cannot do that then we do something about it. It's not a race to push the other person out of our hearts or to find someone new. It's a test to see if our love can hold despite the distance. I am scared. Scared he will forget me. Scared he will make himself believe there was never anything. We will not talk. Unless something important has happened. I will continue to stay strong. I will continue to choose him every morning, to think of him in the moments I have to myself, but I will not cry. Crying is for when it's over...and my heart doesn't feel it. I write to him at the end of my day. So it's like a long distance relationship. I will have what seems like no one around for my birthday. My best friend will be in Canada until September...and I cannot see the man that I care for. I always have family. Family doesn't come and go. They're with you for life. Friends come and go, boyfriends come and go, unless you are willing to go where they go...and they are willing to take you. I know who he is...and that's who I continue to try for everyday.