Coping

Today marks the second day of no tears. I do my best to stay as strong as I can. Goodbyes had to be said to someone dear to me. Yes, it was a short time. While time is a factor, it's the moments that make the most impact. Two months might be too early for I love yous and be as crazy to say you'll go where they go. People have gotten married in less time and have lasted forever. I believe what hurts the most is that we had both agreed, and have always agreed, that following the logic of society was never something we wanted to do. Something we never liked doing at that. Society says, have sex in a month. Society says two months is not long enough for real love, where is the logic in that? Society can't decide if a kiss on the first date is right or if you're wimp if you don't. We went at our own pace, and until this moment had he ever thought of the world, what he hasn't seen, what he hasn't done. I can't decide, is he scared of everything going on, or his heart trying so hard to push out emotions that he has changed? I know he is not himself. It hurts me. We agreed to not speak for a month. To see if we can "deal" with the fact that we are 15 minutes away from each other, and if we cannot do that then we do something about it. It's not a race to push the other person out of our hearts or to find someone new. It's a test to see if our love can hold despite the distance. I am scared. Scared he will forget me. Scared he will make himself believe there was never anything. We will not talk. Unless something important has happened. I will continue to stay strong. I will continue to choose him every morning, to think of him in the moments I have to myself, but I will not cry. Crying is for when it's over...and my heart doesn't feel it. I write to him at the end of my day. So it's like a long distance relationship. I will have what seems like no one around for my birthday. My best friend will be in Canada until September...and I cannot see the man that I care for. I always have family. Family doesn't come and go. They're with you for life. Friends come and go, boyfriends come and go, unless you are willing to go where they go...and they are willing to take you. I know who he is...and that's who I continue to try for everyday.

A love letter:

Dear Love,

My heart has never felt so empty. Every tear I have cried has taken bits of my heart away, a heart that has somehow always belonged to you. You watched out for me when other guys would look me up and down, you kissed me to shut me up from talking nonsense, you reassured me that I was always enough, you respected me and loved me for all that I am. All my crazy emotional unstableness, you still pulled through.

Your family, I fell in love with them all, even your obnoxious little brother. Your mom was so kind to me, and to think I was so scared she wouldn't like me! Your sister and her kids, Summer is going to be such a beautiful girl, and I know Uncle Sean will do all he can to watch out for her. Your hilarious older brother and his girlfriend, their baby will be so adorable. Crazy to think the due date is my birthday...

One thing for you to keep in mind, your sister is strong. The strongest I could know, she has made the person you have become today and for that she deserves all my thanks in the world. She gave me someone who respected and cared for me, someone who put me on such a high pedestal that even you felt you weren't enough for me. My first prayer for her and you was the day when we had to be cut off from each other. That day tore my world and my heart apart, but I asked God to keep us strong, you, me, and your sister. And I know he will.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you."-Jeremiah 29:11

This verse I carry with me daily to remind me that no matter how hard and horrible things may seem to get, there is always good to come. I would give anything in this world to spend the rest of my days with you, loving you and always being there so you can have someone to talk to. I can only pray and hope that whatever may happen that we will be in each others arms again and only have to say goodbye when we head off to work.

I ask that you stay strong for anything that may come along and try to tear you down, but that you always try to get in touch with your heart in the silence and moments that God gives you, and that it will never be too hidden that not even you can see who you are.

I have never loved so much. You were right, I never really had butterflies, neither did you, but we always felt weird with each other, a good weird. Maybe cause the honeymoon stage didn't last so long, we instinctively knew to care for the other person. I don't know when exactly that happened but it did. When you said you loved me...and you looked right into my eyes, I knew it wasn't just said because it was goodbye. I did not want to leave. I wanted to stay in your arms, but even a simple kiss was too much for our tired hearts to bare.

The world is an f***ed up place. But it's all apart of a plan that we cannot see. And we are not supposed to see. You always try to figure it out, but you get stressed and aggravated that you don't have to answers. But that's okay. It's not about getting the answer, it's about finding yourself in the question. And instead of thinking logically or instead of using your head, you let your heart speak.

When God brings your sister home, I want to be right there when you wake up the next day. I don't know how long that would be, but it's killing me already.

I love you. With every bit of my heart and until God has shown me someone else to love, I will continue to choose you every morning and to love you from a distance every night.

I love your family and I am looking forward to seeing them again.

Love,

Laura

Waitress Diaries: Looking on the bright side

For weeks I had considered looking for another job. I hadn't been getting the hours I needed, I was upset with the management at the time, and I was just plain tired of it. But things really started shaping up lately!

They had fired four or five people so I got some more hours to my name. Which makes me sad and a little glad, because I enjoyed those girls' company, but the work was needed. I don't know. I really started enjoying my tables and guests and the rest of my crew. There's not a particular waitress/waiter or manager that I'm not happy with or who I don't think is doing their job properly.

I've been stiffed on a tip before, but it would shape up for the rest of the night. I told myself to not let it get to me, it was just one table. Sure enough...I got a fifteen dollar tip on the next one.

I've also received a one hundred dollar tip. By a person who just wanted to make someone's day (or a total creep if you're my mom-Love you mom!)

Then on a Monday night...I made a bill. I haven't made that much since spring break!

I came across a table with a guest who was, for the lack of better words, like my father. Picked on me the first second I got there. So off the top I knew it was bound to be an adventure! The man had a glass of water, no ice. He needed a refill, I told him there was no way I could refill it with the water pitcher I had because it had ice in it. He told me to try, I then proceeded to dump water and ice in his cup. His wife and himself laughing as I walked away with some dirty plates. I come back to their table as he is fishing out his ice onto a dirty plate. "Oh, let me just take this out of the way." As I quickly leave with the plate of ice and I hear their giggles. Coming back from the kitchen I notice the wife talking to one of my managers. I was a little nervous as first but I saw them laughing and then I wasn't too concerned. When I return and see the wife I ask why she was tattle telling on me, she was bragging! And she said my manager loved me! The husband appreciated that I played along and said as long as he is taken care of that it's all good. Overall, a great table full of awesome guests!

You come across some pretty awesome people, you become, not only more social, but you improve your social skills. But I can usually tell which tables feel like talking with me. If they're on a date, then just get them drinks and bring them food, don't bug too much!

Sometimes I have guests hug me and thank me for the awesome service, some invite me to sit down with them and talk. 

I love to up sale drinks! It's so easy when it's a week day. Some need to kick back because it was a long day back at work, and an extra shot...really sounds good ;)

All in all, I think if you "try" to enjoy your job...you actually start too! :)